WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW

OUR CHALLENGE

The Miss USA Pageant proposed the following question to a contestant: “What is the biggest challenge women face?”

The contestant answered that it is trying to balance being a mother and a career. I wish that was the biggest challenge we face.

In reality the biggest challenge is women being misused, misrepresented through porn and advertisements, which leads to a low self-esteem and may result in abusive relationships, eating disorders, plastic surgery, and never feeling they are enough in this world.

Why girls dress immodestly and/or are promiscuous:

#1 attention – I understand the need for attention. When I was younger I ran away to our basement. I’d dream of breaking my leg to get more attention. There are healthier ways to get attention besides these examples or selling your body and getting lustful attention.

#2 want to feel wanted/loved/needed – they believe that immodesty keeps them safe (a myth)

#3 fashion – you can find modest fashion

The problem with this immodesty/promiscuity:

#1 they are creating lust in men’s hearts – not love, when they lure him in sexually

#2 they are doing it at the expense of faithful wives who suffer when their husband’s develop lust because of the immodest women

THE TOTEM POLE

Through my observation it seems that there is an imaginary totem pole that many women try to climb to the top of to feel “safe” from infidelity. They believe if they are the sexiest and the most beautiful – their loved one can’t possibly cheat on them - why would they choose someone lower on the totem pole? This is a false sense of security as the sad reality is – it doesn’t matter who you are – lust creates the feeling of wanting more and even supermodels have husbands who cheat on them. You can never be the highest.

Women want to feel special, like they are a loved one’s “only one.” They don’t want to feel like they have to compete with everyone else around them. Even women who sleep with married men feel somehow “special” and “different” since a man would choose them. In the end they are screwing all women over, including themselves because a lustful man is never satisfied and they are far from “special” in his eyes. If a man has lust in his heart – no woman is enough for him. Women want to feel “enough” for their spouses in a world that is screaming “you don’t have enough.” We shouldn’t have to compare ourselves to each other – just be the best version of yourself that we can be.

I have heard someone say that it is a “privilege” to pose for playboy. To me, this message is clear – we are all in a competition and if we are asked to be naked for men – we are somehow “enough.”

I watched a movie based on a true story that is about a young woman who starts sleeping with a man and then later finds out that he is engaged. She is upset and decides because of that she will never marry. She makes the statement: “Better a mistress than a wife.” That statement in that situation made sense to me in some ways. As a mistress you feel like you are more in control of who you are with. Instead of being cheated on, you are helping someone else’s spouse cheat. You don’t have to put your heart on the line and get involved. You don’t have to same expectations as a spouse does. I can understand how someone could believe that.

The problem with this concept is it is a very selfish perspective as mistresses don’t take into consideration the wives that are being mistreated and cheated on because of them. It’s a very narrow-minded and selfish concept.

I have heard a playboy poser upset because her boyfriend was hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. It felt contradicting to me that a woman who chose to sell her body for a living and encourage lust and infidelity would expect to have a “faithful boyfriend.” By selling their bodies as objects, I would find it hard to believe that “posers” could find a meaningful relationship without being seen as an object – indispensable and just to be used. How can she expect “love” when her goal is to create “lust?”

A talk show the other day discussed sexual addiction. It is astonishing to hear a man confess that he has slept with over 3000 women. It is even more astonishing to think that there were 3000 women to sleep with him – who are these women? I feel curious to try to understand women who sell their bodies – with dancing, etc. – where do they come from? Do they have any other purpose in life than to be whores?

I realize that many come from broken families and don’t have a “father figure” in their lives, but many women grow up like that and they don’t become the whores of the earth.

SUPPORTING THE PRIESTHOOD/MEN

I believe that the #1 way to support the priesthood is by encouraging them to make good choices and avoid temptation. The biggest influence I believe that we have on men is the way we dress and act. We might not understand their temptation, but we must respect it by being modest.

PLASTIC SURGERY

I have seen the scary results that plastic surgery can have on women – making them look so different – it is scary. Women who are fake like that make it harder for us natural and normal people – because guys like the big boobs and unnatural/fantasy.

THE MESSAGE SENT

Over the years I have learned that women often believe that a man is falling in “love” with them when they impress the man through looks and physical intimacy. The truth is that most often men are falling into “lust” when focused solely on the physical aspect of the relationship. They believe that they will magically be the man’s only desire, but in contrast are creating a bigger hole in his heart with lust that he will attempt to satisfy with other sources.

Elder M. Russell Ballard:
It is, unfortunately, all too easy to illustrate the confusion and distortion of womanhood in contemporary society. Immodest, immoral, intemperate women jam the airwaves, monopolize magazines, and slink across movie screens—all while being celebrated by the world.

Popular culture today often makes women look silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless. It objectifies them and disrespects them and then suggests that they are able to leave their mark on mankind only by seduction—easily the most pervasively dangerous message the adversary sends to women about themselves.

And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective.

Immodest, unchaste women are glamorized and all too often celebrated and emulated.

They need to understand that when they wear clothing that is too tight, too short, or too low cut, they not only can send the wrong message to young men with whom they associate, but they also perpetuate in their own minds the fallacy that a woman’s value is dependent solely upon her sensual appeal.

2 CATEGORIES OF IMMODEST/PROVOCATIVE WOMEN:

#1 naïve/ignorant – thinking that the only result of immodesty is attention for themelves

#2 those who understand that they are doing something wrong – but value the attention they receive more than the souls that they help drag down to Hell, at the expense of their girlfriends/wives

If women really understood what they were doing I hope that they would be modest. I believe that most people are trying to be “good” and don’t understand how to do it. Other women just don’t care that they are ruining wives’ lives – willing to cheat with married men, etc.

CENTER OF ATTENTION

I heard a girl on tv say: “I don’t understand why girls hate me.” From my perspective it is pretty obvious. She flirts with the guys that the other girls’ like, even taking them away in the middle of a conversation to dance. She doesn’t respect other women and doesn’t understand the rules of dating when it comes to having girlfriends.

Looking back in High School, I remember some girls not wanting to invite me to things because I flirted with all of the guys. I didn’t realize that I was doing anything wrong. I just had a flirtatious personality come out after years of being too shy to talk to others. I was socially handicapped and didn’t know quite how to act with the new confidence out outgoingness that a friend helped bring out in me. I started enjoying the attention that I rarely received in the past. Later I realize that this is a problem.

Immodesty gets you attention. Being skanky, beautiful, etc gets you attention. Is attention more important than self-respect, values, and God?

A WORD ON CHEATING

One of my friends told me that her BYU roommate told her to show cleavage on a date, as if we have to lure men in through their testosterone instead of their hearts.

For someone to say that as women we need to dress sexier and be willing to “be more intimate” more often with our boyfriends/husbands in order to KEEP them is a bunch of crap. Supermodels have husbands who cheat on them. As women we should be the most attractive that we can be for our own self-confidence. You can be the sexiest and the most intimate and try so hard and yet your husband will/can still cheat on you.

Now, do I believe in having a healthy marriage with trying to make each other happy and being intimate? – of course. But if your main purpose in being intimate and looking nice is to try and “keep” your husband – then life will be very frustrating.

The best thing to do is focus on becoming the best version of yourself as possible and not try to please everyone else. You can’t please everyone else, but you can focus on pleasing God. When it comes down to it – there will always be someone who is “prettier” than you and someone who is willing to sell their bodies and expose themselves. You can’t compete with those who feel it is their purpose in life to drag men’s souls down to Hell. You cannot control your husband and it will be a frustrating process to attempt to do so. Find peace in the hope of being rewarded by God, not man, at the end of this life, despite how others treat you.

Dr. Phil had a guest whose husband cheated on her. She gave the advice: When you run into issues like infidelity it’s important and incumbent upon you to be very careful and very prayerful in the way you work toward reconciliation or in the way you work toward divorce.

The other thing that’s very important in life in general is to make sure you A- know who you are and B – surround yourself always with strong relationships with your friends, and with your family and with your God. Because it is those folks who will help you stay connected with who you are.

VALUE/WORTH

Our value and worth are not a reflection of the attention that we receive even though the world says that it is. In reality we are all of GREAT worth in the sight of God. It doesn’t matter whether or not we have money or win the beauty contest – He loves us all.

So many women are so willing to sell and objectify their bodies. Attention and fame are more important than self-worth and virtue.