FAMILY

GOD FIRST, FAMILY SECOND

I remember watching members on my mission skip church to be with family.  This gave me an uneasy feeling.  What message are they sending to their extended family who are not members?  That church is only important if it’s convenient and if you don’t have other plans?

I know that as we put God first in our lives, our families will be stronger and blessed.  Our relationship with God needs to be #1 as our whole purpose of being here is to become like Him and glorify Him.

FAMILY BEFORE FRIENDS

I grew up putting my friends before family.  I enjoyed socializing and hosting parties for friends.  I found it difficult when holidays came and went as my friends were busy with their families.  I also learned through life that friends come and go.  It is hard to keep in touch when we move in our own directions.  I love my friends and have tried to be a great friend in return; it has been hard when they move away and on to new friends.

I have tried to be a good mother and host birthday parties for my children, wanting them to have fun and enjoy their friends.  This year we threw one for my daughter’s 3rd party.  She had picked out a piñata for it 3 months earlier and had been looking forward to it since then.

When the big day arrived I was nervous of who would show up.  We invited about 11 children so I figured that the odds were in our favor.  The first children arrived 20 minutes late – which is a long time for a little 3 year old.  I was in panic mode by that time, wondering if anyone would show up.  I learned a lesson that day.  As great as friends are to have – family can be more dependable.

This is an important lesson that I want to teach my children – FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT!!!  Friends come and go – they move away.  But FAMILY is something that we can rely on if we are all willing to give it a hundred percent.  Even though family may move away – you still have so much history together and can always keep each other as a priority.  Friends move away and gain new “best friends” but family is yours forever.

RAISING CHILDREN

God’s way is to teach, give agency, and let us decide even though it’s hard for Him to watch us make mistakes.  I think that this is an important pattern to follow when raising children.  I remember learning a long time ago that it is important to help your children start making their own decisions while they are still living under your roof so that you can still guide them when the consequences come.  Let them fail when it is safe so that they don’t go off the deep end when it is dangerous.

This generation expects more and feels more entitled, taking things for granted because there is so much more these days.  It is important to teach children early that there are consequences and that they will lose privileges.

I remember hearing that it is good to give little kids choices within acceptable ranges.  For example, pick out two outfits and let them choose what to wear for the day.

As parents it is important to remember that you can’t control everything and anyone.  Express love, even in punishment.  Love and support your children, but focus on changing yourself.

Some families may have done the minimum in the past and have the family stay active in the church.  Today it’s not enough; we have to do more with scriptures, FHE, prayer, church, temple worship, etc.

YOUNGEST CHILD SYNDROME

I have noticed that the youngest child often gets a bit more spoiled.  There are a few odds against them.  #1 The parents are usually in a better financial position to buy them more things #2 once the other siblings are out the youngest doesn’t have to share everything (car, tv, computer, etc.) #3 The parents are often more relaxed after having raised other children and aren’t as strict with the rules.

It is important as parents to still give consequences to the youngest child.  They need to be taught that they don’t get everything they want.

MOTHERHOOD

Dr. Phil was about motherhood awhile ago.  There was a study done saying that mothers had 36 hours downtime during the week so motherhood isn’t as difficult as people make it out to be.  I don’t agree with that study.  There may be women who get fast food and just frozen meals so that they don’t have to cook and they may hire a cleaning service so that they don’t have to clean.  But I am not only a mother – but a homemaker, bill payer, family activity creator, etc.  I am constantly trying to better myself and the life of my family.  There are women who have their children in school and so they aren’t home all day with them.  One lady made the true point of:  breaks are in increments, especially with little babies.  Sure you still get a thousand dollars, even if it is thrown at you in nickels so to say 36 hours of free-time is definitely off.

I do my best as a mother and set my priorities accordingly:

#1 safety – physically, sexually

#2 health – stay home if they are sick

#3 education/spiritual – teach them when I get opportunities

I have to worry about my well-being, sometimes going into survival mode, and have to recharge so that I can function and take care of my children.  I do my best to find the balance required to maintain a happy and healthy and safe home.

TEACH CHILDREN ABOUT SEX

I used to worry that if I talked to my children about sex, that they would think about it more and be more interested in it.  I’ve learned that the opposite can easily occur.  If the topic isn’t addressed at all, it is more taboo and there is more curiosity.

It is important to teach them that sex is good when it is the right time and with the right person (after marriage in the temple).  By discussing this topic with your children, at the level they understand, it opens up communication with them and will be easier to turn to you for truth instead of the media and friends for lies.